Iffy at best

If you're having trouble reading my blog, hold down the shift key, take the mouse all the way down to the bottom of the screen and hover it over the time until the date pops up. Hit a number 7, either one. Type the word COFFEE (in all caps). Turn around twice in your chair, while still holding down shift. Now what do you see? If that doesn't work, turn off your computer and go home. It's friday dude.

Wanna know the funniest thing I've seen today was? Of course you do. It was a six foot Russian making out with a three foot Japanese girl. Spark.

I wasn't going to do this, but since it's Wolverine Friday, here's a cool pic. There are no words to describe the embarassment I feel over this. Seriously people, come on. Someone needs to take this one down and or domesticate 'im. It'll be for his own good.

My monitor has started buggin'. Will anything happen about this? Probably not. They won't replace it until it completely breaks and that could be a long way and an eye surgery away. I'll keep you updated on all the details.


This is the aerosols over Canndaadda picture taken by nasa on Aug. 10, 1998.

I'm at a comlete loss for words.

Need a self-awareness tree? Problem solved.

This weekend I'm heading up to Victoria, Canada to have fun with a bunch of people I don't really know that well. If you get your leg bitten off by an alligator, let me know. Otherwise I'll get back to you Sunday night or Monday morning.

--ROCK!--

It's "God Bless Science Friday", Bitches!

First off, National Geographic shows gorillas using tools. For those of you caught woefully underprepared for this so early on a Friday morning, this means that eventualy gorillas will be developing nukes and we will all be completely fucked. Repeal the endangered species act now. It only promotes terrorism.

More later, when I don't have a doctor's appointment.

--EVOLVETHIS--

Starbucks is the best and worst possible place to be at 7:30am.

Let me fill you in. The Starbucks I frequent is on the way to work and for me it is a place filled with wonderful delights, but mostly coffee. The one glitch in my morning is one individual barista. Now, I'm not trying to get this guy fired, god forbid, but I am trying to tell a funny story. To say this kid is a 'morning person' is an amazing understatement. He attacks customers with vicious language that should be saved for later in the day. "GOOD MORNING SIR!!" BEAUTIFUL DAY, ISN'T IT!" "DO YOU WANT A SCONE WITH THAT?!"

A coffee shop in the morning isn't the right place to assault me with conversation, hot lovin', or choices. All I want is my coffee. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. The other baristas don't seem to have a friggin' problem with this, what's his deal?! He's too damn happy. Has anyone seen "13 Conversations About one Thing?" If you haven't seen it, I highly reccomend it, and when you do you'll understand why I'm not wishing bad things to happen to this, most annoying of baristas. I just want him to pipe the F. down.

That's the barista story. It's not quite as good as I thought it was gonna be. Anyway.

Another thing I noticed this morning at the coffee shop were two fat people. I'm not talking, "I'm a bit overweight!" fat, I'm talking out of f'n control, "MY GOD! I'm turning into a truck!" fat. I didn't think badly of them, necessarily, I just had to ask myself, "What would have to go wrong in my life for me to get that big?" The answer is, everything. And then some.

Some kids are a bit bigger than others, but it's been proven that with exercise, the weight of human spawn can be controlled. Surprise surprise. I have to admit, I've never been 'overweight', and I'm definately not bulky, but when I do start to put on the poundage, out come the sit-ups and push-ups every morning. Were these people just poorly trained youngsters?

Maybe I'm just being insensitive, but whenever I see people that incredibly large, I feel like going up and asking them how it happened. Did it happen overnight, or do you have to work at cultivating that kind of bulk? Is it hereditary? Did your mom look like she swallowed a bus?

I have a feeling that I wouldn't like the answers and my coffee shop wouldn't invite me back anymore, but seriously, those are questions that float through my mind. Bastard? Yes please. With whip.

--SOCKINITTOYA--

It takes more coffee to keep me going strong all morning long than it would take to fuel a small army.

Speaking of armies, congratulations to Justice Roberts! You rock, dude!

Speaking of Rocking, I suck. As a friend. I don't have my shit together enough to call people back. Across the board.

Speaking of boards, I got nothin.


Well, it's raining. Finally. I was beginning to wonder what the hell was up. It hasn't rained in a good long time and honestly, I was starting to miss it. T'was funny though, all the drapes in my house were closed when I woke up so I went into the kitchen to make some breakfast, flipped the radio to NPR, listened to the weather report and the lady's all like, "It's raining motherfucker!" and I was all like, "No way, biatch!" Then I checked. She was right.

Being that this is my blog and I'm an egomaniacle bastard, my self-congratulatory quote of the day is: "I found a law office in Tennessee."

I finally started using my day planner. I cleaned out the trunk of my car two days ago, loaded everything into large plastic trash bags, and in the process I found my day planner.

Other things I found in my trunk:

6 guns
1 pair shoes (dancing)
12 empty cups of coffee
4 wrappers for Jackin' the Box
1 drawing board
2 tablets of blank paper
1 favorite pencil
4 pairs of socks (dirty)
1 invitation to a retirement dinner
1 course catalog for University of Alabama
1 empty trash bag
2 sweaters
2 jackets
1 printer
1 computer monitor
1 ethernet hub
1 your mom

My trunk is as big as a small universe.

Anyway, I found my day planner so now my life is soo much more organized. I'm takin' care of business, like the guys on the radio commercial. But I'm not a corporate stooge.

--TRAVELINGEMERGENCYSERVICES--

Penguins have it easy!

This is an awesome article about that film March of the Penguins and the religious right.

My favorite quote:

Secularists point out that emperor penguins have a freewheeling sexual life and that homosexuality among penguin species is quite common.

"These penguins get around. They switch mates with each new mating season, which makes for some pretty slutty birds -- and change the operative question from 'What Would Jesus Do?' to 'Who Would Jesus Do?'"

haha!

--TODAYUSHERSINANEWDAY--

"Some men just need a good slap sometimes."


Whoah. What? Equal opportunity? Why can't I say sh*t like this at work? or, hell, in private?! Double-standard? you bet.

It's not that I dissagree, some men should be given a dose of their own medicine. I simply think that it's true for both genders and getting all self-riteous when guys say it and condoning sayings like this by women is hurtful. This is a perfect example of why equality doesn't work. There are some ways that men and women just are different and if we can figure out a way to celebrate those differences instead of minimizing them, then we'll all be better off.

So I want to institute a plan where everyone gets slapped at least twice a day. I think that many problems would be solved if everyone were just slapped across the face by sombody who loves them. Then we can all go to therapy, learn that what we need to do is love ourselves and we all get happy.

Or get hooked on crack.

Rambly enough for you?

--THATWASF'NFAST--

I'm seriously getting more and more worried about the state of affairs in the US.

Why? read this.

I see a very fine line between intelligent design and what Stephen Hawking have to say about God. The difference, for me, lies in the message conveyed. Intelligent design says that there is no randomness in the universe, that God bends life to 'his' will. Hawking uses the word God in a much more abstract sense to describe the miracle of the world in general, not as an explanation for it.

All I can see from intelligent design is hubris. The idea that humans can encapsulate life and all of its developments along the way in a single concept. I see more beauty in the randomness of the universe than if it happened to be controlled by an outside influence.

*sigh*

The trial just pisses me off. Funny how Christians get all self-riteous when they feel they're losing. And they are losing. The theory of intelligent design may be over a century old, but it's serious ground lost for creationists world-wide. Intelligent design is seriously a creationist version of evolution; evolution fostered by god. That's a serious step up from the "world was created in 6 days" shit.

So yeah. More later when I get pissed off about soemthing else.

--DECAFDOUBLESHOTDOUBLEPUMPMOCHA--

Today was aiiight. Is. Whatever. It's not over yet so I really shouldn't be using the past tense.

Two students needed to be dropped off at the airport this morning so that's what I did. 10:30am I was off and running and I just got back. It's 3pm. Ridiculous.

Anyway, last night Bava and I went down to the Eastside and played some pool. He roundly kicked my ass and held the table pretty much all night. Good job. And fun was had by all. Then I borrowed season 4 of Smallville. I really never imagined I could be so turned on by television. Wow.

Ever wanted to know how to draw a stork? Well now you can.

So I'm standing in line with the japanese students at the n0rthwest counter at the airport and as we get closer and closer to the front of the line, I start to notice a trend. The service people behind the counter get more pissed off at the Asians who ask for help before they do something wrong than the Americans who basically break the machines and THEN ask for help. I found and currently find this ridiculous.

I watched as a woman tried to insert her passport into the slot where things are only supposed to come out. Essentially anally-raping the machine with her passport. Then she started yelling at it. It turned out that instead of inserting then removing (like the sign says) her frequent flyer card, she had inserted it and left it in. The machine had no clue what was happening and just kinda froze, waiting for her to take the damn piece of plastic out of the slot. The woman couldn't quite grasp the predicament and that's when the ass-raping of the machine began.

The woman behind the n0rthwest counter only arrived when the customer started breaking down into fitful sobs accentuated by profanity. I was shocked it wasn't the machine sobbing. With a motherly smile and the benevolent demeanor or a proctologist, the n0rthwest woman reached around, removed the card, the machine decided to work, and the customer thanked her over and over and over again. Again, it should have been the machine. With a flourish of the hand the customer service woman was on to help my two guys.

Hopefull that we would get the same or at least similar treatment, I smiled at the woman. She glared at me and my heart sank. The first student swiped his passport. It worked. The machine generated what is the service version of a smiley face: "Processing..."

It didn't ask him how many bags he had, it didn't say anything about anything. It just spat out his boarding pass and receipt. I kinda looked up and the n0rthwest woman looked directly at me with an unflinching glare. The kind of glare one reserves for wildebeasts who have become upity.

I kindly explained to the woman what happened and all she said was, "You didn't do it right, do it again." So I did it again. And again. And again.

Finally I got fed up with this and with a loud sigh, as if I was the pain in the ass there today, she snatched the passport out of my hand, asked for the other one, I gave it to her, and she did everything in 10 seconds.

I would reccount the security story, but I'm affraid that I'd never make it through a checkpoint again.

More later. If I feel like it.

--ENHANCINGYOURIDEAOFLOVESINCE1980--

200 posts in one day! Damn dude!!

I finally got the Wall Street Journal correctly delivered to my house this morning. The problem is that it's put into my mailbox. My mailbox is small. So small that the junk mail was kinda stuffed in the top. Reasons: a) The Mail-person is stupid b) the Mail-person is lazy. Or both.

I don't read either the NYTimes that I get free at work or the WSJ I get at home. But I picke them up and take them to work. My recycle is full. It's crazy.

The worst part of my job thus far is having to tell people that their interviews sucked so much that they won't be getting a job here. It's not that bad because, really, I've always wanted to be able to do that. The problem is that these are kids who are just looking for experience. It's a work study position and the only reason we selected the kids we did is that they were more professional. We may end up making some of 'em quit anyway due to the intensity of the positions we offered. We'll see though. I have faith.

I'm sorry about the pics I posted. Blogger hates me and my photos. I'll figure it out soon though and get those posted. Maybe I'll get a flickr account. We'll see.

It's funny that the highlight of my day is hanging out with Bava and bitching about work. Bastard just watched Season 4 of Smallville without me. I need to borrow that and watch it myself or I fear I will no longer catch his references. When you miss a season of Smallville it's like living on a lesser plane of reality. (If you have a slow connection, don't even bother clicking on the smallville site. The WB is crap for web design.)

Yeah, Wyltbam, I read your blog and love the photos. I just hate email so I'm not responding and I'm a lazy jackass bastard so I'm not calling either.

Here's your cute baby lemur picture of the day.

Here's to mondays. And here's to Monday evening.

--STIFLEYOURLAUGHTERWITHTHIS--

I just got a cd full of pictures my dad took on our trip to Yosemite. Yizah!

I just had a conversation about China with a friend of mine. It's amazing how different the views on the issue of censorship are.

My view is that censorship in China may eventually be something that destroys the government but it will take a long time, if it ever happens. Not being upset by what the government is doing is worse than being upset and not being able to do anything.

My friend's view is that if the Chinese people are ok just doing a 9-5, making money and getting what news they can through the government, what's wrong with that?

The argument against that is that government released news is in editorial form, with only the pro or the con, never both. Take Taiwan for example. On the Chinese mainland you will only find one opinion in the newspapers. The editors know that they will be jailed if they don't print anti-independance pieces. Then the people only get one view-point. How are they supposed to think differently? The generation that is my age (mid 20s) has only ever known communism. They don't know freedom of the press, democracy or even what else is out there.

There is a humanist idea that sees the human spirit as able to overcome any kind of oppression. While I'd like to believe this, and while it makes for great cinema, it takes information for the brain to be creative enough to even envision freedom. And humans are known for taking the path of least resistance. Will people ever rise up? Yes. Remember Tienamen Square. Will it work? Probably not. Remember Tienamen Square.

I think that as long as international organizations and governments give in to whatever the government wants to do in China, we'll see oppression of thought, life and freedom continue unchecked. It won't end and because the system perpetuates itself, we won't see revolution and we won't see improvement in the quality of life. Look at Cuba.

--ANELIGIBLEINDEPENDENT--

On Friday the g/f and I went to see Flight Plan, that new movie with Jodie Foster and Sean Bean. Good acting, good idea, f'n sucked. I just think it's sad when there just isn't enough of an idea to handle the hour and a half it takes to fill a movie theatre these days.

On the other hand, I rented that new movie Crash. It's a good movie. Seemed like a mix of Magnolia and Traffic. Definately worth watching.

Coffee is definately the nectar of the gods. I honestly don't know what I would do without it.

Now on to the news.

A trial is starting in Philadelphia that should not only embarrass us, but remind us how important it is to think empirically. The Intelligent Design trial is what I'm talking about. It's scary and I'd rather not provide any commentary until the trial is over. Just know that I freaked out of my tiny little mind.

Another thing that scares me? China cracking down on the internet.

The rules, issued Sunday by the Ministry of Information Industry and the State Council, China's cabinet, will "standardize the management of news and information" in the country.

How scary is that. How can a country exist in the 21st century with this kind of censorship? Can you imagine having to register with the government if you want to start a blog? I don't want to. The two sad things here is that it shows the shoddy dog and pony show that keeps things running over there. Keeping the people subjugated and using the argument of 'protection'. THAT scares me. Are we anywhere near that? no. No matter what people say about Bush or the Patriot Act, things will never get that bad in the U.S. Thank God.

--IGOVERNPLANETARYCHEMISTRY--

This is a gem.

Dr. LOVE is in the hizouse!!


So, some of you have probably noticed the massive change that I call a complete overhaul of my site. Observant, aren't we?! Yes, I grabbed a new template and photoshoped the hell out of some pics, and went to town.

I'm still getting about 7 original hits a day, so I know people are reading what I do (and do not) write. Please post a comment letting me know what you think. There, that's today's bleg.

--INSERTANUMERICALPREFIX--

Hey Bava, this is for you!

This quiz (for women) is great. It's created by Dr. Pepper who works at lifetime, television for women. Classic.

Pirate Monkeys Inc. Just because.

Oh lord. That site is hours of wasted time.

So there's really nothing to report just now...before the weekend and all. I already said I was in Yosemite and talked about being at work, and the coffee beans. That's about all that's happened so far.

Oh yeah, I took a lunch break and went home. It's getting toward the end of the month so it was Mac n' Cheese and a hot dog. Healthy.

I've been watching Rita on the news. Click the link. I dare you. The news is really depressing, but at least people are f'n leaving due to the urging of the government.

I really love taffy. I love it a lot. I'm eating some taffy right now. That's why I bring it up.

Here's your gratuitous lobster link of the day!

And this, this makes me thirsty. Catch ya later!

--IFIHADAHAMMER...--

'Cherio'!

So how ya doin?

Me? I'm doin' swell as all hell! I just got back from Yosemite and boy...that was one hell of a hike.

I backpacked with my brother and dad down the Tuolumne river and I must say it was gorgeous. picture? Oh, you'll get pictures. I have pictures of that and my previous trip to Victoria, CAnAda. Will I post them here? Yes. Tonight. No, tomorrow.

My mom dropped off a bunch of coffee beans for me and right now I'm just kinda sucking on one. I don't have a grinder on my desk and I don't have a mug anyway so to get the caffein I need, I'm just sucking on a coffee bean. Probly not too efficient.

Hell's yeah!

Alright. All this posting is making me tired. When I think of something interesting, I'll post again. Until then, ta ta!

--DON'TMIXTHATWITHALCOHOL--

This is a notice:

You cannot come to work with your hair in an unkempt manner. You cannot wear neon orange slacks to work, no matter what your horoscope says. And your incessant profanities throughout the work day are seriously upsetting Mrs. Smurt in cubicle 2-S.

The office cafeteria is not your personal playground, nor is it a lavatory. You have been asked, on multiple occasions, to clean up after yourself and upon refusal have used brutally sexually suggestive gyrations to demonstrate how you felt about the office representitive.

Casual Friday is not your opportunity to come to work naked.

Your personal hygene is a subject that must be broached at this time. Taking a shower in coffee, at work, is unacceptable. The employee lounge is not, I repeat NOT, the place for a ritual sacrifice, no matter the god it is to. The blood-curdling death screams of a goat simply aren't the relaxing fare that an office of our professional caliber requires.

Mr. Jensen's coffee pot is his. There is a public coffee pot in the lounge. Neither did Mr. Jensen appreciate the brazen assault on his cubicle by your newly formed 'group of friends' which, it has been determined, is actually a roving gang. Accordingly, there has been a Cease and Decist order put upon you by a court of law.

If we catch you in the air ducts again, your 401k will be cut. We cannot allow you to 'drop in' on board meetings. We simply cannot.

When asked to give an excuse for tardiness, you are hitherto forbidden to recite all the lyrics to the tune "Big Balls", no matter how funny you think it is. I assure you, it is not.

These are a few of the most important issues that needed to be discussed. I'm sure that more will arrise, but until then you should know that this is a notice of commencement of a preliminary probationary period.

You have been warned.

--IFWEAREN'TINTHISTOGETHERTHERECANBENOORGY--

You guessed it folks, I'm posting from the hookah lounge in downtown Olympia. Cool place. Free internet rocks my face off. As well it should.

Work's goin' well, but there's nothing like a hookah to really put your mind at ease. Trust me. Please.

Today I did some interesting things. The school now gets the NYTimes for free so in the mornings I do some of the crosswords. Today's shouldn't have been that hard, but I couldn't figure a bunch of 'em out. That pisses me off because tomorrow's is gonna be bitch-ass difficult. And yes, that's now a term.

Ok, some intenet terms that used to be and now . Pwned. what kind of word is that?! This messageboard has an entire discussion about the pronounciation of said term.

blogger's all fucked on on Opera right now so all you get is the link. It's cut and paste time bitches!


anyway, as I was saying, pwned and Teh. these are f'n typos! Normally I wouldn't give w0rd the time of day because you can type ANYTHING with a hyphen and it passes all their grammar nonsense, but there's not hyphen in Teh. It's a typo. WTF?!

So what do you do? Oh really? How charming.

My plan this weekend is to go to Victoria and hang out. By hang out I mean have the first of some competitive interviews for a professional exchange to go to India in January. Fun eh? I'm excited and nervous all at the same time.

Then, on next Monday night I get on an airplane and head down to San Jose to do a little backpacking stint with my dad and brother. I got new hiking boots for the trip and I'm STOKED as stoked can be about the whole thing. It's crazy.

I'm seriously gonna miss summer. Seriously. I'm not trying to be sexist, but all of the women walking around in tank-tops has been awesome. When ya live in the northwest it's such a rarity to see girls who really are gorgeous actually show a little bit of it.

Free wireless is shady as shit.

Alright, I'm gonna go now. I need to go do something dangerous and illegal.

--CHACHACHATOYOMAMA--

When you love, you must love with all of your heart...or at the very least buy someone a drink. Hey, they deserve it. I mean YOU'RE IN LOVE! what?

There are very few things on this earth that I hate more than insurance. The fact that I've given my insurance company nearly 1k dollars and have NOTHING to show for it, that says more about them than me. Greedy little fuckers.

Tonight, I dream. I promise. I haven't been dreaming lately. It's sad and I really need to start doing it again. I REALLY love that channel.

There really is a lot of evil out in the world. Seriously. Be careful. There's probably some evil lurking behind you right now. WATCH OUT! but yeah. Roaving gangs are terrorizing the sunken populace of a once great city. Sounds like a great f'n novel, doesn't it?! I can't even imagine. I've read some of the blogs associated with the chaos going on in the deepest of deep souths, but actually being there has to be rough. So watch out for that evil, man. Watch out.

Why must people on the internets be so mean? I do not understand this. When you figure it out, email me or something. Something about the internets makes people all crazy and it must be stopped.

"Don't work too hard." This simple phrase was said to me just now by a portly, good natured woman who simply wanted to let me know she hoped I would have a good day. Isn't that sweet...or is it?

My Starbucks is almost gone and now I'm jittery. But at least I'm not talking to myself like the custodian in the library building. oh yeah. He was talking to himself. And gesticulating wildly. He didn't seem upset and THAT was the weird thing about what I witnessed. He was just waving his arms about and talking in a regular voice. Bizarre.

This was a weekend for feeding the addictions. It started off with binge-drinking on Friday night with a little pool thrown in. Then Saturday night was pretty much the same thing. Sunday was spent getting drunk and playing card games. And Monday night involved consolations and booze. Lots of drunkeness. Don't think I'm gonna drink for a bit.

The school now get the NYTimes. For free. I have a copy on my desk. I like this. It makes me feel important. Or at least more important than I would feel without the nytimes on my desk. Duh.

--PIECEITTOGETHERSHERLOCK--

Pie chart of students/countries
internal/external PR.

Those are things on a list on my desk. I don't know what they mean. It's my job to use the resources around me to figure out WHAT to do, but honestly, it's Friday. I'm not in the mood.

I wish there was time to go bowling, but there isn't. I also wish there was time to play darts and/or go golfing. Actually I wish there was money to go golfing. And because of a typo I want a monkey.

There are few things that piss me off more than people. Very few. One of them is poorly built levys. Why did they have to be such shit?!

And people who shoot at aid vehicles. That really gets my goat.

But I love sunshine. Oh LORD do I love sunshine!

Theo's downtown orientation was last monday. Sorry you missed it!