I Woke up Under the Bed
This is a notice:
You cannot come to work with your hair in an unkempt manner. You cannot wear neon orange slacks to work, no matter what your horoscope says. And your incessant profanities throughout the work day are seriously upsetting Mrs. Smurt in cubicle 2-S.
The office cafeteria is not your personal playground, nor is it a lavatory. You have been asked, on multiple occasions, to clean up after yourself and upon refusal have used brutally sexually suggestive gyrations to demonstrate how you felt about the office representitive.
Casual Friday is not your opportunity to come to work naked.
Your personal hygene is a subject that must be broached at this time. Taking a shower in coffee, at work, is unacceptable. The employee lounge is not, I repeat NOT, the place for a ritual sacrifice, no matter the god it is to. The blood-curdling death screams of a goat simply aren't the relaxing fare that an office of our professional caliber requires.
Mr. Jensen's coffee pot is his. There is a public coffee pot in the lounge. Neither did Mr. Jensen appreciate the brazen assault on his cubicle by your newly formed 'group of friends' which, it has been determined, is actually a roving gang. Accordingly, there has been a Cease and Decist order put upon you by a court of law.
If we catch you in the air ducts again, your 401k will be cut. We cannot allow you to 'drop in' on board meetings. We simply cannot.
When asked to give an excuse for tardiness, you are hitherto forbidden to recite all the lyrics to the tune "Big Balls", no matter how funny you think it is. I assure you, it is not.
These are a few of the most important issues that needed to be discussed. I'm sure that more will arrise, but until then you should know that this is a notice of commencement of a preliminary probationary period.
You have been warned.
--IFWEAREN'TINTHISTOGETHERTHERECANBENOORGY--
You cannot come to work with your hair in an unkempt manner. You cannot wear neon orange slacks to work, no matter what your horoscope says. And your incessant profanities throughout the work day are seriously upsetting Mrs. Smurt in cubicle 2-S.
The office cafeteria is not your personal playground, nor is it a lavatory. You have been asked, on multiple occasions, to clean up after yourself and upon refusal have used brutally sexually suggestive gyrations to demonstrate how you felt about the office representitive.
Casual Friday is not your opportunity to come to work naked.
Your personal hygene is a subject that must be broached at this time. Taking a shower in coffee, at work, is unacceptable. The employee lounge is not, I repeat NOT, the place for a ritual sacrifice, no matter the god it is to. The blood-curdling death screams of a goat simply aren't the relaxing fare that an office of our professional caliber requires.
Mr. Jensen's coffee pot is his. There is a public coffee pot in the lounge. Neither did Mr. Jensen appreciate the brazen assault on his cubicle by your newly formed 'group of friends' which, it has been determined, is actually a roving gang. Accordingly, there has been a Cease and Decist order put upon you by a court of law.
If we catch you in the air ducts again, your 401k will be cut. We cannot allow you to 'drop in' on board meetings. We simply cannot.
When asked to give an excuse for tardiness, you are hitherto forbidden to recite all the lyrics to the tune "Big Balls", no matter how funny you think it is. I assure you, it is not.
These are a few of the most important issues that needed to be discussed. I'm sure that more will arrise, but until then you should know that this is a notice of commencement of a preliminary probationary period.
You have been warned.
--IFWEAREN'TINTHISTOGETHERTHERECANBENOORGY--
You should check this out. They have a free desktop PC for 10 referrals. I'd be happy to help you out with it. Talk to me before you sign up for it, though. It's legit, but there are some tricks to help move the process along.
Posted by
bava |
6:38 PM